Metamorphoses
by little dark starling
Summary: "He met her eye for a brief second before they both broke away, each stung by the intensity of a moment neither could quite find a definition for." Mid- and post-ep 7.14. Lilly is now free, but Scotty's torment has just begun. They've promised to be there for each other, but just how far will that label of "partners" go? COMPLETE.
1. Partners in crime

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cold Case.**

**AN: I am suffering from a resurgence of Cold Case addiction. This story picks up with Lilly's arrival at Scotty's apartment in the middle of episode 7.14 Metamorphosis, and so most of the dialogue at the start comes straight from the show. I wanted to build on the shift in energy I detected in the episode. It seemed to have been building up for awhile there, so I took it where I thought it should go. Honest reviews are always appreciated.**

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Scotty Valens was blankly contemplating the meagre contents of his refrigerator, simultaneously keeping half an ear on the baseball commentary coming from the television in his living room, when the four sharp knocks sounded on his front door. He sighed before slamming the fridge shut and making his way across the apartment. Upon opening the door, he was only a little surprised to find his partner, Lilly Rush, standing before him, a six-pack of beer held under one arm, the other gloved hand reaching up to brush back an errant strand of her blonde hair from her face. Beneath her coat, she was still dressed in her work clothes, and he absently admired the way the royal blue scarf, casually draped around her pale neck, brought out the blueness of her eyes.

"I went to Jones'." Lilly spoke first. "The bartender said you took Nick home."

"Yeah." Scotty gave a wry grin. "He was plastered by the time I got there. Somethin's up wi' him."

His partner looked down and rocked a little on her heels. "A lotta that goin' around," she said, softly, bringing her eyes back up to meet his.

"Mmm," he met her gaze and took a breath in. There sure is, he finished to himself.

"Still thirsty?" Lilly broke into the awkward pause, holding up the six-pack, her eyebrows raised, a look in her eyes that hinted of something…quiet desperation, perhaps.

He grinned again, taking the proffered beer and opening the door wide for her to enter. She strode past to the centre of the room, before swinging back around to face him.

"It really means a lot, you know," she wouldn't quite meet his eyes. "Not to go on about it, but…that you were… there. For me. When you couldn't have been even sure if…." Here she stopped, a slight blush staining her usually pale cheek. "Anyway…"

"Rush, we're partners. You coulda called me to help you get rid of the body," he stated, a hint of his usual cockiness breaking through with the slow spread of a smile. "Now, keep your coat on. I got the perfect place to drink these."

Lilly turned to follow her partner's broad, retreating back through the apartment, pleased that he wanted her to stay. Earlier in the evening, she had realised, with a pang, that after the trying events of the last few days, what she really needed was the companionship of someone who knew her. As well as I've ever really let myself be known, she adjusted the thought, her mind going briefly back to touch on the sad accumulation of failed relationships in her past. Not to talk, so much (she'd never been very good at that), but just to…be.

* * *

Once he was outside, Scotty turned to help his partner follow him in clambering through the kitchen window. She did so with a laugh, slightly encumbered by her heavy coat, but maintaining that careless grace that was so Lilly. When she was standing again, he gestured widely with his arm. "Welcome to the patio. Grab a chair." He scooped up a deck chair from where a pile leant against the wall and carried it up to a low concrete platform. Setting it in place, he sat down, picked up a beer and took a swig.

Lilly laughed again, collected the second chair and joined him. Before sitting down, however, she went across to a low wall running the length of the outdoor area.

"Wow, Scotty. This view is amazing." She stood looking out at the cityscape spread out below her, then turned back to face him, leaning against the concrete support and pulling her coat more securely around her. "You come out here often?"

"Yeah," he replied. There was a pause before he continued. "It's a good place to sit and think. When you've got stuff on yer mind."

She nodded, walking back over to him and taking a seat alongside. She accepted the bottle he held out to her, and they sat gazing out at the twinkling city lights, happy for the moment just to sit quietly.

After ten minutes of comfortable silence, during which Lilly had once again been going over the news that Moe Kitchener was gone for good, she all of a sudden remembered a conversation she'd had with Will before leaving the precinct.

"Heard about your dance with Gargantuan." She raised her beer up to her lips, chuckling a little.

"I had 'im right where I wanted 'im." Scotty leant back in his chair and looked up at the darkness spread out above them.

Lilly let out a breath. "Bringin' him up for assault?" she queried.

"Guy belongs in the puzzle house, not County. Punks were harrasin' 'im." Scotty paused. "Like, taggin' 'freak' on his buildin'."

"Cruel world."

He nodded in agreement. "Filed three separate police reports. It's just… protectin' himself."

Lilly leant forward and looked over at him, before turning her face down to gaze at her feet.

"Sorry I wasn't there."

There was silence from the chair beside her. "Almost…lit 'im up, Lil." He hesitated. "Wanted to."

Lilly felt a pressure build in her chest. "Thanks for…" She saw a frown meet on her partner's forehead. "…havin' my back." She looked over at him, meeting his stare, before clarifying. "With Moe. The alibi."

Scotty smiled at her, and brought his bottle up to meet hers with a gentle clank. "Partners, right."

She smiled back in agreement. "Yeah."

After a pause, Lilly tore her eyes away from his and stood up. With a sigh, she made her way down from the platform and across to the ledge. She leant on it and looked out across the city once again. "I still can't believe it. What Hank did."

"Just beat you to it," Scotty replied, still seated.

"So what does that make me?" She turned to face him, a challenge present in the stare she levelled across at him.

"Hmm," he dragged out, leaning forward as if to really think the question through. "Human?" It came out somewhere halfway between a question and a statement.

Lilly gave a brief chuckle. "Protect and serve, right?" she drawled, her gloved hands wrapping around the bottle of beer she had carried across with her. She swung it gently within her grasp as she contemplated her position, what she might have done…

"The innocent, Lil." Scotty's voice broke through the reverie, a little impatiently, as he gestured at her. Hell, she shouldn't be feeling bad for wanting to take out a scumbag, especially one who had tried to… "We need more Hanks out there. Guy deserves a medal."

She looked at him and frowned, uncertain of where this vehemence was really coming from. It couldn't just be about her situation. "You believe that?"

Scotty rose to his feet. "Yeah," he said, as he got up from his chair, chuckling a little. "Yeah, I believe that."

He made his way over to join her by the ledge. "Just be glad someone else did it. That he's gone." He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, staring not at her but down at the city lights below.

Lilly looked at him, an intent gaze, as recent events and changes in her partner's demeanour started to connect in her mind. "That fortune-teller said somethin' about your mom. You okay?"

Scotty maintained his position, not looking at her. "Time comes, Lil, I might need you to have my back too." He almost started to laugh, then, bemused somewhat by the feeling of desperation rising up to choke him at the thought of his own helplessness and his father's ignorant despair.

Lilly kept her gaze on him, a deep concern welling up at her partner's obvious attempts to hold himself together. Scotty, usually so confident and together, looked as though he might actually break out in tears at any moment.

She turned her body to fully face him. "We're partners, right."

He met her eye for a brief second before they both broke away, each stung by the intensity of a moment neither could quite find a definition for. The atmosphere seemed charged, somehow, as if their individual pent-up emotions were almost but not quite at the point of breaking free from their confines and merging.

Lilly felt both scared and exhilarated without being able to pinpoint why, and she fought to take a clean breath. An anxious energy began to build deep in her stomach and radiate out across her chest and arms. She pushed away from the ledge and began to stride back and forth across the roof-top platform, her hands moving furiously, from her hair, to her face, to thrusting deeply into her pockets and back out again.

Scotty turned to watch her restless pacing, admiring her fierce beauty as words and incomplete sentences spewed from her mouth in an attempt to mollify and control the turbulence within.

"He's gone. He's finally gone. I don't have to… I mean, for months, I've… And now…" She paused briefly, her eyes wild, before resuming. "All those nights, watching him, following him… I thought about it. You know I did. I even had the g…" She stopped again, something warning her that the gun secreted in her chimney, while no longer required for its original purpose, should remain hidden, even from her partner. She wasn't comfortable sharing its existence, or its provenance, even with Scotty.

"But now, I don't know how I feel. Did he deserve it? Would I feel better if I'd done it myself? Do I wish I'd done it? Should I have…"

Scotty, who had been following her diatribe with an increasing urgency of his own, suddenly stepped forward and seized his partner by the arms, preventing her frantic movements from continuing. "Stop," he said. "Just stop, Lil. It's over, okay. It's over, and you don' have to think about that no more. Please."

His close proximity, the emanating warmth from his body, and the earnest plea in his deep brown eyes, which were now turned full-force on her own, were all of a sudden too much for her. Still compelled by that nervous energy trapped within her, Lilly reached up, grasping his face between her two gloved hands, and brought his lips down to meet hers with sudden violence.

Scotty seemed frozen in place for a moment, before responding to her with an equal intensity. His hands moved from her upper arms, twining around behind her to draw her close, as his mouth explored hers. He pressed her hard against him, before moaning and reaching up to tangle one hand in her soft hair, the other dropping lower to keep her body close to his. Still kissing her furiously, he began to move them backwards, drawing her with him until they reached the raised platform on which their abandoned chairs remained. His lips and tongue moved down to caress the soft skin of her neck, while he roughly unbuttoned her coat, pushed it from her shoulders and dropping it to the ground, followed by his own.

Lilly felt the cold night air bite her newly exposed skin, but she was too caught up in the now wonderful feelings coursing through her body to care. As Scotty pushed her back to lie on the temporary bed their shed outer garments had formed, and brought the full weight of his body down on top of hers, she didn't have to fight hard to ignore the discomfort of their surroundings. Instead, she clutched him closer to her, her hands, like his, roaming desperately, over and then under clothing, searching for the certain contact of warm skin, the promise of release from all that anxiety she had been experiencing. And as their bodies came together, her only thought was how right this felt, that there could be nothing more natural in the world than this moment between them.


	2. Just say the word

**AN: I had hoped to get more plot development in on this next chapter, but haven't quite managed it yet. Also, there's some strong language, but I don't think anything to warrant a change in rating. Thanks so much to imsoproudofyou, Solia, and DPIH for being my first reviewers. I had no idea how much reviews would make me smile. Enjoy!**

When Scotty began to surface, slowly, from what had been a wonderfully deep sleep, the best he'd had in who knows how long, he was at first puzzled by the strong and unfamiliar sense of contentment coursing through his body. He stretched happily tired muscles and burrowed himself back into the bedclothes. He'd been having a dream, quite an amazing dream really, and he wanted to get back to it. But he couldn't quite…

His eyes opened as a memory crashed to the forefront of his mind. Lil. Last night, out on the patio, he and Lil…

"_Scotty."_

"_Mmph." A reply muffled from where it emerged, pressed into the curve of her neck._

"_As much as I enjoyed what just happened here," a struggle to free herself from under him, a glimpse of bare skin, a quick adjustment of clothing, "I'm starting to freeze to death."_

"_Shit," he said, realising, as the warmth of her body left his, that she was right. "It is bloody cold." He sat up, following her example with zips and buttons. Grinning, he reached behind her to pluck the long blue scarf from where it had lain strewn beside them, fondly re-wrapping it around her neck. "As much as you enjoyed it, huh?"_

_He stood up, enjoying her blush and the way in which she met his gaze, direct but with a hint of that coy smile. She took his hand and rose to stand beside him. Suddenly self-conscious, she reached up to touch her hair, now free and loose on her shoulders, the clips employed to restrain it since abandoned to the darkness and the moment. "I must look a mess."_

"_Nah, "he scoffed. "A little rumpled, maybe. Sorta disheveled." He smirked at her. "Come on. Let's get inside where it's warm."_

_He led the way back to the window, collecting the chairs as he passed and pausing briefly to stack them back against the wall. She followed with the empties, passing them through to him before once more clambering over the sill._

_When they were once again in the kitchen, and he saw her collecting her bag from where she'd dropped it by the table, he reached for her again._

"_Stay, Lil."_

_She looked up at him, questioningly._

_Before the frown burgeoning between her brows could come fully to fruition, he spoke again. "Stay. It's late, you don' wanna be walkin' about, drivin', this time o' night." A glance at the clock prompted the correction. "Mornin'. Stay. We'll sleep, we'll get up, I might make you breakfast…" He winked at her and nudged her shoulder with his. "Come on, Rush. You know you wanna."_

_The brazen innuendo in his voice broke the tension and she laughed, her face relaxing, the frown replaced by a soft, weary smile. _

"_Yeah, okay." She put her bag back down and shrugged off her coat. "It has been a helluva long day. But, just so you know, I'm gonna hold you to that promise of breakfast."_

_He grinned back at her, relieved that there wasn't going to be any awkwardness, not yet anyway, and took her hand in his to lead her down the passage to his bedroom._

With this pleasant memory in mind, Scotty's arm moved to tentatively explore the sheets beside him: nothing. A stretch further, still nothing. But the space beside him was warm. He rolled over and sat up. A faint impression remained in the pillow next to his, and it lay scrunched up close to his own, giving the impression that someone had been lying equally close not too long ago.

With vague thoughts of a fairy-tale figure, blonde and fleeting, surfacing in his mind, Scotty rubbed his eyes vigorously with his knuckles and threw the bedclothes off. She had stayed. They had entered the bedroom, he'd tossed her a t-shirt from his bureau, she'd changed in the bathroom, and they had climbed into bed. He remembered reaching for her in the darkness, wanting to feel her close to him once again, not yet ready to let go, to return to their daytime existence as separate entities, and she had responded. Her body had turned towards his, her head had come to rest near his shoulder, her arm across his waist, and she had sighed, a gentle, tired, almost heart-breaking sigh, before he had drifted off to oblivion.

So where had she gone? What could have made her wake up and decide that she couldn't stay long enough to see him, speak to him? He had been so sure that they would be able to manage without the awkwardness of the usual morning-after ritual. They had gone to sleep so comfortably together, and before that… well, that had just felt right as well.

As he made his way to his feet, shaking his head at the frustration he felt, in such stark contrast to the feelings he had awoken with, he heard a sharp crash from the bathroom, followed by a distinctly feminine curse.

"Crap! Ouch, goddammit!"

His heart lifting, he crossed quickly to the door, rapping sharply on the painted wood. "Lil? You okay in there? Can I come in?"

"Ahh, sure," came the reply. "Yeah, Scotty. I might actually need some help in here."

Concern quickly taking precedence over the relief he had felt that she hadn't left after all, he pushed open the door and entered, only to find Lilly, naked from the waist up, a towel crushed to her chest, and perched on the edge of the tub. She was twisting around in a fruitless attempt to tape a piece of gauze to her slender back. Where her trousers sat on her lower back he could make out another gauze strip already taped into position. His first-aid kit lay on its side by her feet on the floor, giving him the cause of the crash he had heard.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded, striding over to her and reaching out to lift the make-shift bandage from her pale skin. "How did you…?" A nasty graze was revealed, marring a short stretch of her spine, just below where the clasp of her bra was accustomed to sit, little droplets of fresh blood oozing up from the damaged skin.

"Is this from last night?" He pressed gentle fingers on the unmarked skin alongside the wound. "Jeez, Lil."

"It's fine, Scotty." She winced a little at his touch and he quickly removed his hand at the small movement, another touch, another flinch, striking his memory with a pang. "It doesn't really hurt that much and I think I've managed to clean it. I got my lower back sorted, but I just can't seem to reach this one."

She looked up at him then, eyes roaming over his bare chest, a cheeky smile bursting forth. "Gotta love sex injuries, huh. This'll teach me for letting you have your way with me outside, in the middle of winter, on a bed of concrete."

He didn't say anything, just reached for the roll of tape in her hands, cut off a long strip, and firmly pressed the gauze into place on her spine, then removing his hand like he couldn't bear to touch her.

As he turned to leave the room, she reached for his arm, frowning at his odd behaviour. "Hey, Scotty, what's wrong?" she queried. "I'm fine. It's not like you hurt me on purpose."

"Look, Lil." He still wouldn't meet her eyes, keeping his face to the door, one hand resting on the wall beside him. "We gotta get ready for work. I know you need to get home first, get a change of clothes an' all, so let me know when the bathroom's free. I'll make coffee."

He abruptly left the room, and she could hear him moving down the passage to the kitchen.

_What the hell?_ she thought, getting up from her position on the side of the bath and packing up the first-aid kit. She dropped the discarded pieces of rubbish into the small bin by the sink. _What was that all about?_

Scotty, meanwhile, had made it to the kitchen, where he was now roughly collecting the makings for coffee, slamming down mugs on the counter and pulling open the cupboard to find the beans. He paused a moment, bringing his head forward to lean on the cupboard door, and took a breath. A flurry of images flashed behind his closed eyelids: a fleeting shot from a security camera, a middle-aged woman wending her way between cars in a dark car-park, shopping bag in each hand; a dark figure bursting forth from the side, bowling her out of sight. The detective punched the cupboard shut as these mental pictures merged with others: a slender back, pale skin marked by vicious red, the welling up of blood; other darker injuries, the things he'd seen, read about in reports, what he didn't want to imagine; his mother's eyes…

_Dammit_. He forced his eyes back open, dropping down to a half-squat and rocking back and forth. _Fuck…_

"Scotty." His partner's soft voice broke through his thoughts, and he pivoted in its direction. He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't know if he could look at her right now.

"Scotty." The voice came closer, low and heavy with concern. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on." A gentle hand on his shoulder brought him upright, and before he knew it he found himself drawn into a close embrace, his face pressed into soft hair and even softer skin, breathing in the comforting and now familiar scent of Lilly. That gentle hand stroked his head, while the other moved across his back with calm, sure strokes. A few errant tears surprised their way out of his eyes, before he scrunched them clear and reluctantly stood back from her embrace.

"This isn't about what happened to my back, is it?"

Pale blue eyes met dark brown, a gesture of invitation, of willing understanding, passed between them.

"Nah, Lil. But I'm sorry 'bout that, 'bout hurtin' you."

"I'm not."

A chuckle.

"Okay, well maybe I'm not really either, when it comes right down to it." A shared smile, tempered with what might have been a promise.

"It's just…seein' that. It made me think…" He ran a hand through his hair. "Aw, hell, Lil, I'm screwed up at the moment." He pushed back to touch the kitchen bench, before turning to face her again. "What you said last night, 'bout somethin' bein' up. My mom. She…"

He stopped again, looking at his partner, searching her face, desperate to find something. Whatever it was, he found it. "She was attacked, Lil. Raped. 'Cept she won't talk about. To me, to anyone. And I can't tell my pops. I'm just…"

"God, Scotty. You got any ideas as to who this guy is?"

He recognised that shift in tone, the strong, competent quality her voice took on when she was after a suspect, that steely strength that gave her so much power in the interrogation room and out on the streets.

"Got some leads. There've been a few other… incidents. Spoke to a woman last week, same thing, said she saw his face. And Detective Pierson's keepin' me updated. I just gotta…"

"Whatever you need, Scotty. You know the deal. Just say the word."

"Yeah."

Standing there in his kitchen, he couldn't help but think how far they'd come over the years, both of them. Looking back to when Elisa had died, how messed up he'd been then, too, he remembered the strain, the limits, to his relationship with Lilly. He hadn't trusted himself, or her to confide in his partner, had instead sought comfort and distraction with… He didn't want to go there now, to remember what an idiot he'd been in thinking he could make everything better, attempting to bury the hurt and unanswered questions beneath a shallow affair. He knew now that he'd reached out to Christina because she was the closest thing to something he'd sensed in Lilly but hadn't yet been ready to acknowledge. Except she hadn't been, of course. Chris had been easy to be with, a welcome departure from the emotional depths he'd been dragged to by Elisa's long illness, a release from those painful emotions with which he'd been scarred. But what they'd had hadn't been real, not like what he'd had with Elisa, and not even close to what he'd felt last night, and in the present moment, with Lil.

He just had to get through this current mess, he thought to himself, smiling at his partner and turning back to finish fixing her coffee, and then he could at last reach out and try for that elusive happy ending, the one he had had a glimpse of once before in his life, and which now seemed that much more possible to attain.


	3. You're in my head

**AN: Another shout out to my wonderful reviewers: Solia, oucellogal, and imsoproudofyou, your astute observations and encouragement really make my day. I remember reading somewhere that reviews are like catnip, and that maxim is certainly ringing true for me here! (I also thought it was apt for a story with Lilly in it.) It's such a help to know what I'm doing right (or wrong!), as well as those moments you especially enjoy in the story.**

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When Lilly let herself into her apartment that morning, it was already well after eight o'clock. She sent Stillman a quick text to let him know that she would be a little late in, before heading into the kitchen to feed her cats. The two felines had met her at the front door with small cries of welcome and were currently winding themselves round and about her ankles. She bent to scratch Olivia behind a ginger ear and ran a hand over Catherine's soft white fur.

"Sorry I wasn't home last night, girls," she murmured, scooping biscuits into their bowls. "There was somewhere else I needed to be. You understand, don't you?"

The cats merely purred in response, increasing their perambulations at her feet, before the placement of their bowls on the floor stole their attention. As she watched them eat, a small smile graced Lilly's features, memories of the night before rising to take precedence over the more disturbing events of that morning. Now that she was back in her own home, ensconced in what familiar surroundings, she allowed herself to consider the full significance of what had happened: the feel of Scotty's warm lips on her skin, the touch of his firm hands as they moved with such skill over her body. Never mind the wounds to her back, it had been too long since she had felt that good. Not since…

She headed up the stairs to her bedroom, thinking back to the last time she had been with Eddie. It was two months now since she had entered that apartment, only to find it abandoned, the heavy stillness of those large empty rooms both a shock and something of a relief to her. She hadn't heard anything from him since, and was somewhat disconcerted now at how little this had mattered to her. Should she be feeling guilty, she wondered, for having slept with Scotty before officially ending things with Saccardo?

Oh, her relationship with him had been fun at first,she'd readily admit that. They'd kept it light, bowling dates and movies mostly. The sex had been fantastic, and she experienced a twinge of shame to think that this had been the main draw card to the affair. The physical attraction between them had been apparent right from the start, though of course she'd made him work for it, and she'd found it remarkably refreshing to find herself in a relationship that was so easy and free of emotional hang-ups. After everything she'd been through, she had at last been able to relax and live a little, to enjoy being with a person who didn't expect too much from her, just that she'd show up and have a good time.

Then the cosmos had gifted her with Moe Kitchener and the nightmare that had been the last six months. His attempt on her life and the ensuing legal entanglements had drained her of any remaining emotional reserves. And when Saccardo had begun to shift gears on her, she had begun to feel smothered. She'd been more than a little disconcerted when he'd presented her with the gun, but her decision to keep it was driven more by her appreciation of the fact that he'd respected her enough not to patronize her by offering to do the job for her, than by any real consideration of his motive. When she'd discovered the stash of drugs and cash under the bed, however, that little voice in her head had spoken up to question what it was, exactly, she was getting involved in. Whatever she thought she _might_ have done, given her state of mind and had Hank Butler not put a bullet in Moe's head, she was relieved that she hadn't in actual fact done it. Perspective provided valuable insight.

Finally, however, there was the diamond bracelet Saccardo had refused to take back from her, leaving it on the kitchen bench for her to find. It was now right there on her dresser, nestled in a jewelry box, along with the rest of her meager collection. She hadn't wanted it. It was beautiful, sure, gorgeous even, but she hadn't been able to imagine a scenario in which she would be compelled, let alone wish, to wear it. Compounded by Saccardo's increased intensity since he'd been undercover, she'd seen the bracelet almost as a tangible symbol of everything that was wrong with their relationship. She had begun to feel trapped. He'd called her his "girl" that morning on the beach, and she had wanted to scream at him, "I'm _not_ your girl! I'm not _anybody's_ girl!" As she'd once said to A.D.A Bell, she was on her own and always had been.

It hadn't escaped her notice that Eddie was a lot like Scotty, an earlier Scotty, that cocky, arrogant narcotics-cop attitude that she'd always found attractive in her partner, especially in the beginning. But Scotty had long since evolved. His tragic experience with Elisa aside, the sheer weight of the job, the horrific things they had to see and hear about on a daily basis, had clearly taken their toll on him over the years, and it was rare now that she got the opportunity to see that old lightness and sense of fun. Those same horrors, however, had also served to draw them closer together as partners, closer than she'd ever have dreamed possible. Her partners before Scotty, barring Chris Lassing of course, had all been older than she was, mentor figures almost, like Stillman and Jeffries (she wasn't going to include Nick Vera in that category). Lassing hadn't been around long enough for her to really get to know him, and so it was her almost-seven years with Scotty that had given her the closest thing she had to a stable relationship.

Scotty's face swam before her, as she once again recalled what it was that had prompted this train of thought. He'd said he'd be there for her, and he had been. Every time. She wasn't alone, not really, and all it had taken was the death of a homicidal stalker and three bottles of Old Harbor for her to realise that.

A small knot of panic suddenly arose in her stomach and, before it could set in completely, she moved quickly to the bathroom. A hot shower went a long way to settling her nerves, and she went about getting ready for work with a renewed sense of calm. The last thing Scotty needed right now was for her to turn all flighty and scattered. Or worst of all _clingy_. Whatever last night might have meant to him, whatever might now come out of it in terms of their partnership, they could deal with it later. Right now they had a job to do: catch the low-life scum who had assaulted his mother. She knew how close Scotty was to his family, and while she couldn't exactly relate to that kind of bond, she could well imagine the kind of pain he must be in.

Securing her hair back in a neat ponytail and adjusting her bangs, she turned to head back downstairs, every inch the poised professional. Two minutes later she was out the door, calling a farewell over her shoulder to the cats. They sat poised together on the sofa to observe her exit, blinking contentedly, and with the occasional twitch of a delicate whisker to dislodge a breakfast crumb.

* * *

"Everything okay, Lil?" Detective Stillman asked, as Lilly entered the squad room and moved to hang up her coat.

"Yeah, fine, Boss. Thanks," she replied. "Just had a bit of trouble waking up this morning."

The white lie slid smoothly enough from her tongue, and yet she thought she detected an odd look cross his face. _What, is it that obvious I had sex with my partner last night?_

The moment soon passed, however, and Lilly found herself seated at her desk, removing the paperwork from her bag and stacking it in preparation for the day. Scotty's desk opposite hers was empty, but she'd recognized his coat when she'd hung hers up and knew that he must be around somewhere.

Sure enough, he soon emerged from the kitchen bearing two mugs. _One of those had better be for me_, she thought, busying herself with the case files on her desk, so as not to appear like she was staring at him. Two seconds later, a mug of hot coffee was deposited in front of her, and she felt a hand, gentle, on her back.

"Mornin'."

She looked up. "Mornin', Scotty. Mmm, thanks."

She wasn't sure quite what she had expected to find in his face, but all she was met with was his familiar warm gaze. She smiled back.

"So, Miller and Jefferies have already been in the box wi' Eddie Armstrong. You know, the guy Gargantuan told us had a run-in wi' Mia a few days before she died. Ed says they made up, were gettin' along just fine wi' some help from a little acid. Happens our friend Cleo the Clown caught 'em … gettin' along … an' intervened. Ed reckoned there was somethin' goin' on there. Seems Mia turned up next day wi' a busted lip."

"Hmm. Maybe living in such tight quarters with a teenage girl got to be too much for our Cleo?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm thinkin'. Boss wants us to go back an' have another chat wi' 'im. See what he has to say."

"Sounds good." She took a sip from her coffee and searched for the notes she'd made on Burgess. Finding them, she looked back up.

"And Scotty?"

"Yeah?" He'd taken a seat at his desk, and was now also rifling through paper.

She had a quick glance around the office and lowered her voice. "You wanna go over that security footage later, from the market? You know, fresh set of eyes?"

"Uh, yeah, that'd be great, thanks." He didn't quite meet her eyes. "I was also wonderin'…"

He stopped.

"Wondering what?"

"If you'd, maybe, wanna have a go talkin' to this other witness for me. It'd mean another trip over to sixteenth , but… I just thought, you bein' a woman…"

"Sure, Scotty, of course I'll talk to her. Give Pierson a call and find a time." She took another sip of coffee. "All goin' well, we'll put a lid on this circus act today. Then we can really get to work on nailin' the creep."

"Thanks, Lil." He pushed back his chair, and in a louder voice continued. "Hurry up wi' that coffee, Rush, an' let's get goin'. Some of us've been here since a quarter past eight." He winked at her and strode off in the direction of Stillman's office.

Lilly laughed and drained her drink. It was good to see him smile, even when she knew that at least some part of it had to be a façade.

"All right, all right. I'm comin'."

* * *

Sitting in a darkened viewing room in the PPD's sixteenth district, Lilly kept her eyes on the television screen in front of her, while at the same time fully aware of the tension raging through her partner, who was seated beside her.

"You don't have to watch this again, Scotty. I know it's gotta be tough."

"Tough, yeah." He shifted in his seat. "I've already seen it, what, ten times." He shifted again, before rising to his feet and shoving his chair backwards with sudden violence. "There's nothin' here, Lil. That bastard," he spat. "Who the fuck does that to a woman?"

Lilly paused the tape and stood up.

"Hey." She put both hands on his shoulders and gripped them, hard. "We're gonna get this guy, and when we do, you can make 'im wish he'd never been born."

His mouth twitched at her choice of words, and she felt some of the tension leave his body. He leant ever so slightly into her touch.

"Yeah. An' you're right. I don't have to see this shit again. It's messin' wi' my head. I'll step down and see if Pierson's around. Maybe he's got somethin' new for us."

"Good idea." She removed her hands from his shoulders and took a seat on the table behind her. "I'll finish up here and meet you back at the car at, what, oneish? Then we can grab somethin' for lunch. I'm starving."

"Sounds good." He gathered up his things and moved to the door. When he'd opened it a crack, however, he stopped and walked back to where she was still seated on the table. Before she could react, he leant down and pressed his lips against hers, hard. She responded, opening her mouth to receive his tongue, and pulling him closer to stand between her parted legs. Before things could go further, however, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers for a moment, while they both breathed heavily.

He pressed another kiss to her lips, this time soft.

"You're in my head, Rush," he rasped.

Then he was gone, the door closing behind him with a light click.

Still a little stunned, Lilly moved back to her chair, her whole body tingling, and restarted the surveillance tape. For the next few minutes she fought hard to keep her attention on the screen in front of her, desperately pushing the taste and feel of her partner's embrace to the back of her mind. _Not now_, she told herself firmly. _This is no time to get all soft and weepy._

Ten minutes later, she was pressing pause on the remote, rewinding the tape a short way, and pausing again. She leant forward. _Is that…?_

Leaping to her feet, she dashed from the room.

* * *

**AN: What do you think? I would just like to say that I am a non-beer drinking, non-American civilian, so I have no idea as to what kind of beer Philadelphia detectives like to drink in their downtime. In conducting that all-important research, however, I came across some reviews of beers from Puerto Rico, so I chose Old Harbor as something Lil might think to bring Scotty. Please let me know if you have a better suggestion (I was tempted to have her bring one called Lonely Blonde, but managed to restrain myself).**


	4. Don't forget to breathe

**AN: Thanks again for following my story. This update took a little longer, but I hope it's worth it! (A bit more strong language in this one, but hopefully not too bad).**

* * *

Once Lilly had supervised the set-up of the three televisions side by side, and the technician had left the room, she stood back, arms crossed, and allowed Scotty and Pierson access to the screens.

"What are we lookin' at, Lil?" Her partner's voice was impatient.

"This is the footage we got from the gas station, right? Pierson asked. "Just down from the car park?"

"Right," Lilly affirmed. "Now what do the three shots have in common?"

"That's the same car, each time." Scotty jabbed at the screen. "How'd we miss that?"

"We were lookin' for a guy on foot," Pierson reminded him. "Vehicles aren't usual with muggings, and besides, the Dayley's clerk said he saw a guy runnin' away from the scene."

"These weren't just muggings, remember," Scotty growled. "But look, we sure this ain't just some schmuck drivin' home the same time each day?"

"Not exactly," Lilly replied. "But check out the time stamps. The attacks didn't all happen at the same time, but between ten and fifteen minutes after each this vehicle goes past the gas station."

She thrust a sheet of paper at Scotty. "Here. The footage from the jewellery store puts your mother's assault at 7.54pm. At 8.07pm," she tapped the first screen, "this car shows up on the station cam. The same pattern occurs with the Hernandez and Espinosa attacks."

"Have you checked this out against the other two?" Pierson asked, running a hand through his short hair. "I admit that three times is unlikely to be a coincidence, but it'd be good to have all five confirmed."

"Not yet," Lilly replied. "Once I'd matched up three, I came to get you. I know it's circumstantial," she turned to Scotty, who was silently examining the screens, "but it's a step."

"It's more'n a step, Lil." His voice was quiet now and she almost flinched from the burning intensity in his eyes as he stepped closer to her. "This is it. It's him, Lil, I just know it."

For a moment she thought he was going to touch her, and for an inexplicable reason almost took a step back. Instead, however, he spun on his heel and walked quickly out of the room.

Pierson called after him. "Valens. Hey, Valens!"

He turned to Lilly. "You'd better go after him, Rush. I don't need to tell you what'll happen if he goes and does somethin' stupid. An' we both know he's capable of it."

Lilly was already halfway to the door. "Yeah, I know. You'll finish up here?"

"I got it."

* * *

She caught up to him at the elevator, where he was impatiently stabbing the call button with a tense forefinger. Just as she arrived beside him the bell dinged and they both stepped in without saying a word. Scotty's mouth was set in a grim line, and his jaw flexed repeatedly. The uneasy silence remained during the entire trip down to the precinct parking garage, Lilly not comfortable with speech or action given the constant flow of police personnel on and off the elevator.

As they walked across the basement level of the garage to locate their vehicle, Lilly was still searching for the right words. When she at last reached for Scotty's arm to turn him to face her, her phone rang. With a silent curse she answered it.

"Rush."

Listening to Stillman's update on the Romanov case, she unlocked the car and got into the driver's seat. She could sense that Scotty had been close to demanding the keys from her, and knew that he was only getting in beside her now because he could hear that it was the boss on the other end of the line. His hand drummed impatiently on the centre console, and she reached over and placed hers on top of it, holding it still. She kept her hand on his, and her thumb eventually began to move in small strokes, tracing steady circles on his skin. She heard him let out a breath and wondered at this newfound ability to calm him. Was it new or had she always had it? She knew her partner's reputation for losing his temper, but lately it had seemed, if anything, less explosive than before, or at least more easily contained. Maybe it was a good thing she hadn't been able to voice her concerns to him before Stillman had called. Maybe it was physical contact that he'd needed most to bring him back to a sense of composure. _He said that I was in his head_. _What does that mean?_ Her thumb maintained its quiet motion as her conversation with Stillman drew to a close.

"Yeah, Boss, we're headin' back in now. See you in ten." She hung up and turned her whole body towards Scotty's, his hand still encased beneath hers. His other elbow was up against the car window, and his head rested against that hand. His eyes were closed. Fighting back the urge to reach across and touch the smooth expanse of his cheek, she cleared her throat.

"Um, Scotty?" He lifted his head from his hand and turned to face her. "Boss needs us back. We got somethin' on Smith, and he wants us to set him against 'Biggie' Jones." When he still didn't say anything she continued. "Look, we've got to go run that license plate properly anyway. And get the ID from Belen Hernandez. That's gonna take time. We got the chance to do both jobs prop'ly."

"Yeah, okay." He sighed in frustration. "It's just, I've felt so useless up t' now, wi' no leads, 'n finally…"

He looked down at her hand on his and gave a reluctant smile. "Y' know, it means a lot that you… that I got you, here…wi' me…on this. I don't know what I'd do if…"

This time, she didn't stop herself from reaching for his cheek, cupping it gently, and holding his gaze. "You do have me, Scotty. I'm not going anywhere."

They remained in that position, for what seemed like a long moment, only jerking apart, startled, when a couple of uniformed officers passed close to the car.

Lilly cleared her throat again. "Right, well. We should probably go." She put the keys in the ignition and started the car, turning to check that the path was clear behind her.

"You're adorable when you blush, you know."

"Shut up, Valens."

* * *

Back at headquarters that evening, the team sat around Lilly's desk celebrating Smith's confession.

"Can't believe the way that guy had everyone fooled 'e was 'slow'," Kat said, reaching for a doughnut. "Even you, Scotty. Had you wrapped round 'is not-so-little finger."

"Pfff, " Scotty scoffed, "I just felt bad for nearly shootin' 'im. Not any more, that's for sure. Shoulda gone ahead 'n lit 'im up."

Just then, his phone rang and he stood up. "Back in a sec'," he muttered, heading off in the direction of the kitchen. Lilly watched him go, a frown spreading on her forehead.

"Everything okay with you two, Lil?" Will asked curiously. "You've both been acting a little preoccupied today."

"What?" Lilly tore her eyes away from Scotty's retreating back and looked to Jeffries, before darting a quick glance at Stillman. He was also giving her another odd look. "I mean, yeah, it's fine, Will. I'm just… tired is all. Might have to see about headin' home soon."

"Me too," yawned Nick. "I'm whacked." He stood up and headed back to his desk, reaching behind him as he walked to rub his back.

Stillman also got to his feet. "Well, I think that's our cue to call it a day. Great work today, all of you. Now, go home, rest up, we begin it all again in the morning." He walked away to his office.

"'Night boss," they each called after him, and a general tidying up began.

Lilly packed up the box of doughnuts, and offered them to Kat. "You wanna take these home to Veronica?" She laughed. "If so, better hide 'em quick, before Nick realizes and wants to fight you for 'em."

"What was that?" Vera called from across the room. "You lovely ladies talkin' 'bout me again?"

"Nope," Kat replied, scooping up the doughnuts beneath a folder. "Dream on, Nicky."

Nick laughed. "Whatever, Miller. See y'all tomorrow."

He left the bullpen, followed soon after by Kat and Will.

Lilly lingered by her desk until Scotty reemerged from the kitchen. "Well?"

"That was Pierson. Belen gave the ID, got the address." He waved a piece of paper. "Comin'?"

"Now?" Lilly asked. "Are you sure you wanna do this tonight? Shouldn't we…"

Scotty didn't let her finish. "Now," he said, going to his desk. "I'm ready t' finally nail this piece o' scum. You comin' or not?"

* * *

"Valens."

The odd strain in his partner's voice along with the use of his surname made him glance up quickly from where he'd been looking through the cache of stolen ID cards found in the kitchen of their suspect, Jimmy Mota. They'd knocked on the door of his fourth-level apartment, only to receive no answer, and so, without a word, he'd busted it open with his shoulder. Lilly had remained at the door, leaving him to venture in and ensure the coast was clear. He'd just called out for her to come and see his discovery when he heard her terse reply.

The sight that met his eyes when he did look up made his heart freeze. There was Lilly, standing in the doorway to the kitchen. And behind her stood Mota. The large man had one arm securing both of hers behind her back, while the other held a switchblade to her throat. Scotty could see her weapon still at her hip, sheltered by the flap of her coat. It didn't look like the other man knew she was armed, not that she currently stood a chance of doing anything about it.

"Easy there, buddy." He placed the cards down slowly on the bench beside him, and inched his hand towards his own gun. "Just put the knife down."

"What the hell are you doin' in my apartment, huh?" Mota pressed the blade deeper into Lilly's pale skin as he urged her forward. Her facial muscles remained calm, but her eyes never left Scotty's face, and his heart began to beat faster in response to the hint of fear he could see just now emerging in those blue orbs. He forced himself to breathe easily. Mota spoke again, an angry grin breaking out on his dark face. "Come on, _buddy_. Spill, or your bitch here's gonna get it."

Scotty's right hand finally found his weapon, and he gripped it while simultaneously removing his badge from his belt and holding it up.

"Detective Valens, Mr Mota. Now I'm gonna have to ask you to let Detective Rush go." He fought to keep his voice steady.

Mota only gripped Lilly more tightly. "You tellin' me a pretty thing like you 's a cop?" he asked, his mouth right beside her ear, his outward flow of breath causing a strand of her fair hair to move gently against her cheek. Scotty could see her trying not to shrink away in disgust.

"I am, Jimmy," she said, her voice calm. "And I'm gonna have to repeat my partner's request. You need to let me go."

"Fuck that." Mota didn't release her or lower the knife, but he began to move slowly backwards, his jerky steps betraying his agitation. His actions forced Lilly to move backwards with him. "Fuck. What the hell? Why're you in my place? Why…?

Scotty followed them through to the lounge, keeping his steps slow and measured. He didn't want to spook this guy into doing anything stupid. _Like sticking that knife in Lil's neck_. His concern grew at Mota's increasingly disturbed movements. He kept jerking his head around, as if to check behind him, all the while returning his gaze to glare at Scotty. Reaching the front windows, he looked out. "Any more o' you guys out there? What is it you want?"

Lilly was forced to move with him and Scotty watched the man's grip on her tighten, hating the obvious pain she was in from having her arms forced behind her like that.

"Just put the knife down," he repeated. "Then we can talk."

He was finding it more and more difficult to keep his voice calm, more and more impossible to keep from throwing himself on the man and forcing the knife from him, as he watched the blade against Lilly's soft skin, a few drops of telltale red appearing, stark in their contrast with the paleness of her neck.

"No!" Mota exploded. "Shut up! I'm not gonna do nothin' 'til you tell me why you're here. Now! Or she gets it." His voice had softened, and it was if he suddenly remembered what it was he held in his arms, as he turned his face into Lilly's cheek, breathing in deeply. "I might even enjoy it."

Seeing this animal touching his partner in that way almost made Scotty lose control and risk taking a shot, but he stopped at the sound of Lilly's voice.

"We're here about those IDs in there." He couldn't believe how calm she was being. Couldn't she feel the bastard's face pressed up against hers? "You wanna explain how you got those?"

Scotty took a step forward, willing Lilly to stop talking. He hated the way Mota was keeping his face against hers.

"How'd you find me?"

Was the knife now held a fraction looser against her neck? Maybe this calm approach was working in getting his guard down.

"Your car," he said, shortly. "We got you on tape."

"That ain't nothin'. It weren't me."

"Weren't you what?" Lilly asked. "What didn't you do?"

Scotty took a step closer.

"DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME!" The blade once more bit into her neck and Scotty saw her visibly wince at the sudden sharpness of the pain. Her eyes remained on his, willing him to…_what_?

Lilly was always the one who dealt best with the crazies. She had that cool, calm, collected way about her that always seemed to have a suspect thinking she was sympathetic. Until she trapped them into giving something up. He was more hot-headed, blazing in temper first and liable to explode if the perp was uncooperative. He took another breath and raised his gun.

"Fine, I ain't movin'. But you got a goddam knife on my partner there, so you gotta understand I can't just leave."

Mota risked another glance out the window, then towards the door.

"Don't even think about it," Scotty continued, guessing at the man's motives. "You're not goin' anywhere 'til you answer the question. If you didn't assault five women, how come we got you on tape leavin' the scenes? And how come we find a stack of these women's IDs in your kitchen? Huh? How 'bout that?"

"I…I… it ain't watcha think. I didn'…"

"Didn't what? Hold 'em down an' rape 'em in a car park? Wi' your hand over their mouths so they couldn't scream. Tell them not to look at you cos you couldn't face seein' how they thought you was scum?" He heard his own voice rising, fought against it and failed. "I mean these women were someone's wife, someone's mother…" His voice choked.

"Valens."

He met Lilly's eyes, saw again the blade at her throat. He drew his arm across his forehead to remove the sweat that was building there and re-aimed his weapon. "Fine. Talk. You explain it to me."

Mota just stared at him, his eyes occasionally darting from side to side, obviously feeling trapped. _We gotta wrap this up soon_, Scotty thought, _this guy's unstable_.

"Valens, he probably didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. Isn't that right, Jimmy?"

_What the fuck was she talking about? Five assaults and he didn't mean to hurt anyone? Was she fucking serious?_ He was about to speak up and ask her that very question when he once again saw her eyes. She was trying to communicate something, opening them wide and using them to gesture to her right. _What was she doing?_

"Yeah." Mota was speaking again, slowly, as if thinking each word through thoroughly. "Yeah, that's right. I didn't mean to hurt nobody. They was just…" He stopped.

"They were there and so it just happened," Lilly continued for him. "We understand. Sometimes things just get out of control. We find ourselves," she paused to take a deep breath, "doin' things."

Scotty was watching the hand that held the knife. It was shifting almost imperceptibly down and away from Lilly's body. The other arm binding hers had also loosened. When she took that breath, her chest expanding and then releasing, the arms had both dropped even further. Lilly's eyes shifted to her right again. He gave a slight nod. He was ready.

Just as Mota opened his mouth to continue talking, Lilly flung herself back and down, knocking his face and his shoulder and for a fraction of a second exposing the left side of her captor's upper body. Scotty fired twice, taking Mota in the chest with both bullets, and the big man stumbled backwards into the wall. Lilly tore herself free from his grip and at once landed hard on her knees, her hand clutched to her neck. As he moved to disarm Mota, Scotty could see the blood welling up through her fingers, beginning a slow downward trickle to stain the white collar of her shirt.

"Lil!"

* * *

**AN: What do you think? :)**


	5. Holdin' you holdin' me

**AN: Thanks again for all the reviews, favs, and follows! And to all those who have been reading along silently. I have just discovered the story traffic stats, and it's so fun to see all the visitors and views - especially in the form of graphs, of which I am a huge fan! This chapter took me ages. Real life intervened, but there was also so much I wanted to include. Hopefully I got it right. It was also supposed to be the final chapter, but, alas, there's going to have to be at least one more.**

* * *

"How is she?"

Scotty looked up, startled, to see Lieutenant Stillman making his way swiftly across the hospital waiting room to where he had been sitting, head in hands. The double doors from the corridor swung violently closed in the older man's wake, sending a pang of guilt shooting through Scotty's chest at the worry etched into his boss's face. _Christ. How did I let this happen again?_ He stood up quickly, too quickly, and staggered slightly at the wave of dizziness that swept over him.

"What the hell happened, Scotty?" Stillman looked down at the massive blood stain covering his detective's t-shirt and his expression blanched.

"She's, uh…They've taken her into surgery, Boss. Medic said somethin' abou'…vascular damage…I dunno. She was awake though, talkin…That's gotta be a good sign, right? She said…" He knew he was babbling, couldn't stop, all the while running his hands through his hair, drawing them across his chest, clenching his fists, before repeating his action all over again.

"This shouldna happened. I'm sorry, Boss. I'm…She shouldn't've been there, I know."

"Been where, Scotty? Last I knew you both went home for the night. Now tell me what the hell happened?" Stillman put both hands on Scotty's shoulders and forced him to stand still.

"I… We went to talk to a-a suspect on another case, outta sixteenth. Pierson's. He gotta knife on Lil." He shuddered at the renewed horror of seeing that blade against his partner's throat; saw again the fear in her eyes, the red stain spreading down her neck to hideously embellish her collar. He closed his eyes. "She got out've it, but he cut 'er. I had ta take 'im down."

"He's dead?" Stillman asked.

"Yeah." Scotty felt another rush of nausea and quickly sat back down in his chair. He put his head in his hands once more, remembering again the panic of those last moments in Mota's apartment.

_As soon as he saw her fall, he was on his own knees beside her, pausing only briefly to shove the knife away from Mota's body, though he was sure the other man was dead. Frantically, he gathered Lilly into his arms and pressed his hands over the deep cut in her neck, blood welling up thickly through his fingers._

"_Shit. Shit, Lil. Hold on. Please hold on, Lil."_

_He let go of her just long enough to remove his coat and his suit jacket, flinging both garments haphazardly behind him, before stripping off his shirt to bundle up and press to the well of red liquid pulsing from her neck._

"_I'm gonna get help, Lil, okay. Just stay with me."_

_Keeping pressure on the wound with one hand, he felt in his pocket with the other for his phone and quickly dialled. "Detective Valens. I got an officer down. I repeat, officer down. 4655 North 5__th__ Street. Get me rescue now!"_

_Hearing confirmation that help was on its way, he ended the call and held Lilly tighter against his chest. His shirt was now soaked in her blood and he swallowed down the sudden overwhelming urge to throw up. He grabbed his jacket from the floor behind him and pressed it down over the shirt._

"_I'm so sorry, Lil. I'm so sorry." He rocked her gently. "You gotta try and stay wi' me. Help's comin', okay Lil? It's gonna be here real soon. Just hang in there for me, yeah?"_

_Lilly reached up with white fingers to touch his cheek._

"_Scotty…"_

"_Ssh, Lil, ssh, don't try 'n talk." He attempted to brush the hair from her forehead, the blood on his hand mingling with the light sheen of perspiration gathering there. "There's so much blood, too much bl…"_

"_Scotty, I want…" She took a ragged breath. "I want…want to say something." Every word was an effort and she closed her eyes with the pain._

_He tried once again to sweep back her bangs and, successful, pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Please don't talk, Lil. I need you. I can't… Lil, I can't lose you, okay. I just can't." He grasped her hand where it rested against his face and held it to his cheek for a moment, before lowering it and placing a kiss to her palm. _

_She drew her hand free and brushed a drop of wetness from his cheek. He hadn't noticed until then that he was crying. "I'm not g-going…anywhere, Scotty." She gave a smile and then winced. "You won't get r-rid of me that easy."_

_He gave a sudden chuckle that came out as half a sob._

"_Yeah, y'always was hard to shake off." He rocked her gently and smoothed her hair again._

_After a while, she spoke once more. "Y-you know what I want, Scotty?"_

"_What?" He asked fondly, affection temporarily overriding his fear at her increasingly ghostly pallor. "I'll get you anythin' you want, Lil, anythin'."_

_Her eyes closed. "Let's go away, Scotty. Let's go…a-away. Somewhere warm." She began to shiver. "I wanna be warm. I'm cold, Scotty, real cold."_

"_We will, Lil, okay. We'll go somewhere warm." He felt about behind him for his coat and placed it over her. "Help's gonna be here any…" The sounds of multiple sirens reached him, gradually becoming louder. He heard the screech of brakes somewhere below them._

"_Thank God. Hear that, Lil? The ambulance's here. They're gonna get you to a hospital, a doctor." He readjusted the make-shift bandage and held her closer, paying no mind to the mess her blood was making all over his white t-shirt._

"_Don't leave me," she pleaded, her weakening voice clutching at his heart. "Please don't go, Scotty. Don't leave me."_

"_Lil. Hey, Lil? I ain't goin' nowhere, baby. I ain't leavin' you. I'm gonna be right here. Always, Lil. Right here beside you."_

_A couple of paramedics, accompanied by what seemed like a swarm of uniformed officers, arrived in the room beside them, and Scotty was forced to let her go so that they could work. As he watched them examine the knife wound in her neck and put an oxygen mask over her face, he staggered to his feet._

"_Call Detective Pierson outta sixteenth," he managed to order one of the uniforms. "I'm goin' in the ambulance wi' her." _

Scotty felt the firm and reassuring pressure of Stillman's hand on his shoulder draw him back to the present, as his boss took a seat in the chair next to his.

"Scotty, Lil's a cop, same as the rest of us." Stillman's voice was low and exuded a sense of calm. Scotty clung to it in near-desperation as the other man continued. "It's a dangerous job, and she knows that. Every time we go out there, there's risk of somethin' like this happenin'."

"But she didn't have to be there, Boss. It was my…I was the one who…She just shouldn't've been there."

Stillman was silent for a moment.

"There somethin' you wanna tell me, Scotty?"

Scotty turned to face him and their eyes met. He was about to open his mouth to speak when an older man dressed in green medical scrubs entered the waiting room and walked over to them, a frown creasing his handsome face.

"Detective Rush's family?" he asked, and Scotty, avoiding the frown, wondered idly at his pristine scrubs. _Had he changed before coming out to speak to them? _He got to his feet, as did Stillman.

"Uh, her dad's outta town. He's headin' back, but won't be here 'til mornin'." He took a breath. "How is she, doc? I'm her partner, Detective Valens. This here's our boss, Lieutenant Stillman."

The doctor reached out to shake their outstretched hands.

"Doctor Forrest. I'm the surgeon who operated on Detective Rush." He reached to rub his hand across the back of his neck before continuing. "Well, there was significant damage to the muscles in the neck, and the knife also managed to just nick an artery, resulting in some heavy blood loss." The doctor paused to take in the shirt of the man standing in front of him. Scotty felt the feeling return to his extremities; he hadn't even registered their numbness until now.

"We got to it in time, however, and managed to repair the tear. She also had a reaction to one lot of antibiotics, but we got that under control. Now, we're not out of the woods yet: there's always a risk of infection, especially in the case of penetrating neck trauma, so we'll want to monitor her in Intensive Care for the next 72 hours. She's still out at the moment, but you can go in and see her. I'll ask a nurse to escort you, unless you've got any questions?"

"Nah, thanks doc," Scotty said. "I just wanna see her."

Doctor Forrest smiled and nodded, before shaking their hands again and turning to head back through the double doors. As he disappeared, Scotty laughed aloud and scrubbed his hands briskly over his face two or three times.

"Thank God." He laughed again and embraced his boss, his heart light with relief. "Thank you, God."

Stillman chuckled and patted him on the back. "You go on in, Scotty. I'll wait out here for the others. Will should be here any minute, and Nick was stopping by to pick up Kat. You head on through. Be there when she wakes up."

* * *

He stood in the doorway for a long while, head balanced lightly against the painted frame, simply watching the small figure of the woman who lay prone in the hospital bed, her face pale against the white pillow. His eyes rested for a moment on the thick bandage covering her neck, its bulkiness only serving to make the rest of her appear that much slighter, before sliding down to observe, with something almost akin to reverence, the gentle rise and fall of her chest. The room was quiet except for the occasional beep from the machines to which she was attached by various wires and tubes, and the soft sound of her breathing, in and out. Listening to that mild rhythm in the otherwise silent room, he closed his eyes. _What would I do if I'd lost you? It should be me in that bed, not you, Lil._

A slight hitch in her breathing brought his eyes open once more to see her begin to stir, her blonde head shifting a fraction, and then a fraction more, on the pillow. He stepped immediately to her side, sitting down and placing one hand on hers, where it rested, thin and pale, on the light blue blanket. Feeling it twitch lightly beneath his larger one, he grasped it more firmly, bringing his other hand beneath hers until he held it safely ensconced, like a baby bird, within his grasp. He leant in closer towards her and touched his nose to hers, lightly. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," he whispered, drawing back just an inch, unable to keep the smile from his face at the sight of those familiar blue depths.

Her lips parted as if to say something, but no sound emerged.

"Don't speak, Lil. I'll get you some water." He began to reach toward the trolley situated by the bed, but a light tug on his hand brought him back.

"I…" The word was so quiet, he almost didn't catch it. He bent closer to her face.

"I told you I…wasn't goin' anywhere."

He chuckled in relieved response, and brushed a single finger down the feather-softness of her cheek.

"Yeah, you did. Shoulda known by now you're always right."

She smiled, not quite that gorgeous wide grin he'd come to adore so much, but a smile nonetheless. He couldn't resist leaning in to place a light kiss to the sweet curve of her lips, and was rewarded with a warm gentle pressure in return.

"Ahem."

The moment was interrupted by a quiet cough from somewhere behind him. Scotty turned to see the rest of the team crowded together in the doorway, wide grins on all their faces.

"We're not disturbin' you or anythin', are we?" Nick chortled, giving them a big wink.

"Shut it, Nicky." Kat elbowed him in the ribs, before continuing in a gentler tone. "Good to see you awake, Lil. You gave us a scare."

The two of them entered the room, followed closely by Stillman and Jeffries, and they all gathered around Lilly's bed. Will leant down and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled up at him and the others in return.

"Hey guys."

"You gotta stop doin' this to me, Lil," Will rumbled in his deep voice, pressing a hand to his chest. "I don't reckon this ol' heart o' mine can take much more."

"From now on, I'll take it easy, Will, I promise," she responded, lifting her hand with an effort to grasp his.

"Good to hear that." Stillman's voice came from where he stood behind Scotty. "You rest up, Lil. Valens, can I speak to you a moment, out in the hallway?"

"Yeah, Boss." Scotty swallowed thickly and stood up. "Back in a minute, Lil."

Lilly tried to rise from the bed, but soon gave up from the residual effects of the anesthesia and the returning ache in her neck. She sank back onto her pillow.

"Wait, Boss. Don't…"

"It's okay, Lil. Detective Pierson and I've just got some questions for Scotty. I'll have him right back."

The two of them left the room, Scotty glancing back for a last look at Lilly's face. He gave her what he hoped was a confident grin, before the door closed between them.

"Well, Boss?"

* * *

**AN: Thanks again for reading. Do let me know what you think :)**


	6. Scars like ours

**AN: Thanks so much for the lovely reviews on the last chapter: DPIH, princesshikari99, luvztorite, oucellogal, imsoproudofyou and, last but not at all least, Solia, you make me smile even as I write this. This chapter didn't turn out at all as I thought it would. Somehow these characters have taken it into their heads to turn a little angsty. It won't last, I promise!**

* * *

The window blinds separating Stillman's office from the wider squad room had been lowered that morning, or perhaps the night before, an action for which Scotty couldn't quite make up his mind whether or not he was grateful. On the one hand, he wasn't keen for everyone out there in the bullpen to witness the dressing down he was pretty sure was headed his way; on the other, he would have quite liked to see for himself the demeanours of his own team arriving at work. He hadn't seen any of them since Stillman had ordered him home from the hospital in the early hours of the morning. He hadn't wanted to leave, but the boss had been firm.

"_She needs the rest as much as you do, Scotty. Now go home. Clean up, get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning. Back at the precinct."_

Scotty knew, and his boss knew, that if he hadn't added that last bit, Scotty wouldn't have shown up here at the office today. He was itching even now to get back to the hospital, but he also knew that if he had the slightest chance of getting out of this mess,at least partially unscathed then he had to now toe the line.

He had been instructed to report in at 7.45am. The place had been almost deserted when he'd arrived, but now, at a quarter past eight, he could hear that the working day was well under way in the department. He tried, unsuccessfully, to make out Will's deep baritone or Nick's gravelly laugh amidst the general murmur of voices. For some reason, knowing that they were out there felt like it might somehow make what was about to happen in here a little bit easier, even if they didn't know the whole story.

_The whole story_. Stillman didn't know that either; hadn't even asked for it, not really. It was as if he'd known that somehow not everything was above board. And once Pierson had arrived at the hospital and backed up his vague explanation of knowing Mota through another case, well, the boss had let the matter drop. While it had been obvious that he'd suspected there was more to the matter, he hadn't pressed Scotty for answers right then. But now?

Scotty groaned and leant back in the chair he was currently sitting in, the one positioned in front of Stillman's desk. He felt uncomfortably like a schoolboy again, called to the principal's office to be reprimanded for playing hooky. He rubbed his hands up and down his thighs anxiously. _Hurry up, Boss. Let's get this over with_.

What Stillman also hadn't mentioned at the hospital was the scene that he and the rest of the team had walked in on. Sure, it had been pretty innocent. They were partners, after all, and one of them had just had surgery. He'd kiss any of the others too, he justified to himself, if they'd been through what Lil had right in front of him. _Well, maybe not_, he reconsidered, _unless they asked nicely. And on the cheek_. Anyway, it wasn't as if what they'd seen was anything major, anything against department rules.

But he also knew that Stillman saw Lilly almost as a daughter, and he didn't know what he was going to say to the man if he started asking any awkward questions. Hell, he and Lilly hadn't even talked about anything yet. They hadn't had a chance: it had only been the night before last that they'd…

The office door swung open and Stillman entered. He looked tired, was Scotty's first thought on seeing him, almost haggard. He knew the boss was nearing retirement age, but this was the first time that Scotty realized just what that meant. He sat up a little straighter in his chair.

The man in question sighed and stood for a moment, his back to Scotty, looking out the window at the city below him as the door swung silently closed behind him. His hands were gripped behind his back, and he stood with legs slightly apart, ever the military man.

Scotty started to shuffle uncomfortably in his seat. "Boss?'

Stillman was silent a moment longer before turning and coming to take a seat behind his desk.

"Well, it can come as no surprise to you that there's going to be an inquiry." He paused and examined his hands on the wooden surface in front of him, fingers splayed. He looked up. "I know you're not telling me the whole truth about the circumstances that led to you and Lil being at that apartment. But that's okay. I don't want to know. Just make sure, whatever it is, that the two of you and Pierson have your stories straight for the commission. A man's dead and an officer injured: they're gonna want answers."

He paused again. "From what I hear of the situation, though, you didn't have any choice other than to do what you did. Your partner was in grave physical danger. You had to take the shot."

Nodding, Scotty inclined his upper body forward a little. This wasn't sounding so bad after all.

"However," Stillman continued in a solemn tone, "given past events, and certain other incidents in your file, I suspect that you are going to have to work rather hard to show the commission that your actions were justifiable. This can't have been simply a rash act. You need to have done what you could have to diffuse the situation first, you understand."

Scotty nodded again. They had done. They'd talked to Mota, tried to reason with him. But he hadn't let her go. As long as this commission didn't look too closely into _why_ they'd been there in the first place, things might work out okay. He started to breathe more easily.

"Yes, sir. Thanks for—"

"We're not done." Stillman's face was grim.

Scotty swallowed. The silence that followed seemed to go on forever.

"We still need to discuss this other infraction. With you and Lil."

"Me 'n…"

"Yes. To tell you quite frankly, Scotty, I've been expecting something like this for a while now."

"Somethin' like…"

"So. Talk. What's the situation?"

A pause. Scotty gazed at him helplessly. "The situation, Boss?"

The man seated across from him leant back in his chair and put his arms behind his head. A slow smile spread across his features at his subordinate's obvious discomfort.

"Yes, Scotty. The situation." The smile widened. "Explain to me just what I walked in on last night. You know, in Lil's hospital room. Or would you like me to recap for you?"

"Nah, nah Boss. That's ok. We, uh… Well, me 'n Lil, we, we're…" He shrugged weakly. "We haven't exactly talked about it yet, but…"

"Bu-ut," Stillman prompted, "your partnership might be undergoing some changes."

"Yeah." Scotty was relieved. "Yeah, you could say that. Changes." He cleared his throat and nervously adjusted his tie.

"Well okay, then. Now we need to talk about how that's going to affect the rest of the team."

Scotty's back straightened and he found himself sitting somewhat stiffly in his chair. Now this wasn't sounding so good. What did the team have to do with anything?

Stillman leant forward, arms resting on the desk. "I appreciate the fact that you and Lil need to work things out between the two of you. But, as your boss, I also need to consider the unit as a whole. So, as of this moment, you and Detective Rush are no longer partners."

"_What_?!" Scotty leapt to his feet, outrage causing him to raise his voice. "Boss! You can't do that. We…"

"Sit down, Scotty." Stillman's voice was quiet but stern, and he was no longer smiling. He was clearly brooking no argument on the matter. His eyes remained on Scotty's face until the younger man had once more taken his seat.

"I'm not intending to punish you here., Scotty It's a question of keeping this unit running effectively, and it's a question of safety. I cannot have two of my detectives bringing their personal business into the field. It's a huge potential for risk." He held up his hand as he could see Scotty about to interrupt again. "And it's also inevitable when two people enter into a… physical relationship. The department guidelines are clear on this.

"Lilly will be out of the field for a good month anyway, so, while the two of you are working things out, and until you get this inquiry business out of the way, you will be working with Miller. You've got the experience now to take lead there, and I know the two of you get on."

Scotty breathed a little easier. "And Lil?"

"Well, I'll be talking to her, too, once she's back. She'll have to stay on restricted duty 'til she's completely recovered, of course, and then…"

A suspicion entered Scotty's mind. He really didn't like where this conversation seemed to be headed.

"Then?"

"Then, depending on what the two of you have worked out, a report may have to be filed with the IAB, notifying them of the change in your relationship. After that, it's out of my hands. But most likely, it will result in one of you being transferred to a different unit, maybe even a different division."

He relaxed his shoulders and looked at Scotty in an almost fatherly fashion.

"You're a good cop, Scotty. Lil too. And you can both count on my support in terms of any new assignments broached. I'd hate to lose either of you, and I'll do what I can to keep you both here in Homicide. But if that turns out not to be an option, well, then, I'll make sure that you get input into any decisions."

There was a long silence in the room. Scotty looked down at his hands on his knees, and thought over the implications of what his boss had just said.

"And for the record, Scotty..." He looked up again. "...I'm happy for you. You deserve to find some happiness, and so does Lil. If you can find it in each other…?Well, my advice is, grab onto it with both hands and don't let go. Everything else…" He stood up and crossed back over to the window, looking out. "Everything thing else will work itself out. I don't want either of you to get to my age and to have to look back on your lives with any regret. Because, trust me, it's people who make it all worthwhile."

Scotty stared at his boss's back. He didn't know that much about Stillman's personal life. Knew he'd been married once, was now divorced. There were photos on his desk of his daughter and what was presumably a grandchild. He'd never thought of his boss as lonely before, or as having regrets of a personal nature. With some things it was better not knowing, he decided.

He remembered back to when he'd first made it to Homicide: his initial thrill, and then the disappointment at finding he was going to be working on cold cases, not out on the line. He would have given anything then to go out after the hot ones.

But then he'd gotten to know Lilly, and been increasingly caught up in her drive, her insatiable desire to bring justice to victims long forgotten by everyone else. Could he imagine coming to work every day without her there, without seeing her face, her smile, joking with her, even arguing? And what if he had to take a backward step? Back to Narcotics or across to Robbery? Would it be worth it? Making Homicide Detective had been his dream ever since leaving the academy. Could he give that up to be with Lilly? Would he live to regret it?

And what was more, he thought, as he attempted to dispel an unpleasant feeling taking form in his stomach, could Lilly ever give it up for him? As long as he'd known her, her job had been her life. What little he knew about her previous relationships, they'd all taken a back seat to her work. Would he be any different? Did she even _want_ a relationship with him? Sure she'd slept with him, but she'd also just found out that the man who'd been making her life hell for the last few months was now dead. Something like that was bound to screw with anyone's head. And Lil…

Hearing a noise, he looked up from his increasingly disturbing reverie. Stillman had turned back from the window and was now leaning against the bookcase watching him. Probably wondering what he was doing still sitting there, Scotty thought uncomfortably.

He had to move.

He had to do something.

He had to talk to Lilly.

* * *

The sounds in the ICU were slowly driving her insane. She had been lucky enough to be allocated a semi-private room, affording her relative solace from the presence of other patients, but it was the sounds she couldn't escape: the constant beeping of heart-monitoring devices, the muted gasps of the mechanical ventilators, even the calm and assured tones of the medical staff as they administered their life-giving care.

The scent of the place was just as bad; that cloying odour of sickness and decay, almost but never quite masked by, and indeed mingling repellently with, the smells of medicinal disinfectants.

She wanted to go home. She hated feeling like this, helpless and trapped by her own weakened body, unable to even stretch her muscles properly from the sluggish effects of the pain medication she'd been given. All she could do was close her eyes and try to ignore the incessant sounds, the nauseating smells, of this prison she now found herself trapped in.

A light knocking brought Lilly back from her doze. She opened her eyes slowly to find Kat Miller standing in the open doorway, her work bag slung over one arm.

"Hey there." Kat's voice and smile were soft, as she made her way over to stand beside the bed. "I brought flowers, but apparently they're not allowed in here. Coffee either. On the bright side, the nurses' station has been cheered up no end. I'm pretty sure that's why they do it."

Lilly found herself smiling in return. She didn't think she'd ever been so glad to see the other detective.

"Veronica's present passed inspection though." Kat put her bag down on the floor and took a seat in the visitor's chair. She passed a handmade card to Lilly, whose smile widened at the colorful drawing.

"Tell her thank you from me. It's beautiful."

Kat settled back in her chair. "Your family been in?"

"Yeah," Lilly answered, liking how that word sounded. Family. "Dad was in Ohio. Drove straight here. He was falling asleep in that chair, so I sent him on home. He's gonna be back later."

"That's nice. And Scotty? I'm kinda surprised he's not camped out at your bedside. Boss said he was pretty messed up last night when you came in. And when we got here…"

Lilly was quiet for a moment.

"Yeah. I was kinda expecting to see him this morning. I mean, I know the boss made him go home last night, but I thought…" She petered out, her fingers picking listlessly at the blanket covering her chest. "I hope he's not getting blasted over this. It was both of us… I was just the idiot who let herself get taken hostage and then stabbed."

"Uh, Lil, hold on, okay. No one's blaming Scotty. Or you, for that matter." Kat grabbed Lilly's hand and squeezed it. "Look, I don't know what went down last night, but Scotty was in with Stillman this morning. When he came out, the boss didn't say anything about him getting fired or anything. Just that there'd be the usual inquiry into the shooting."

She frowned when Lilly turned her head away. "And Scotty left. Boss said he was coming here, and that was," she checked her watch, "over two hours ago."

Lilly chewed her lip as she turned back to face Kat. "Well, he didn't. Come here. I haven't seen him."

Kat felt uncomfortable. Lilly looked so small and miserable lying there in that bed. Kat was used to seeing her full of energy and taking charge of situations; it was disturbing to find her like this, vulnerable but not able to disguise it. And where the hell was Valens? She was gonna kick his ass when she found him.

* * *

**AN: Argh! So Scotty's all panicked and AWOL, and Lilly's miserable and stuck in a hospital bed. I'm sorry!**


	7. Dreamers awake

**AN: So, the first part of this final chapter is a little different in terms of style. I was trying out something new in the form of a dream sequence, and I think it worked for me, but… Love it? Hate it? Just plain indifferent? Don't be afraid to let me know! The second part is a return to 'reality' with our beloved Lilly and Scotty working things out, because I just can't help a happy ending :) I hope you enjoy it, and thanks again to everyone who has given their time to my little story. It has made my first fanfiction experience such a lovely one and I'll definitely be back to this Cold Case world xx**

* * *

_Scotty was in a large room crowded with people. They were all moving quickly around him, talking loudly and with great urgency, although he couldn't decipher any specific words spoken. Not one paid any attention to him standing there in the center of the maelstrom. Instead, they continued to rush about in all directions, oblivious, several waving white sheets of paper, gesticulating furiously at each other, all of them challenging, threatening, imploring, supplicating. Scotty just stood there, bemused, his feet frozen to the floor, a statue trapped in a storm. Looking down, he saw that the ground upon which he was standing was a mirror, and he could see himself looking back up at him. He stared at his own familiar face. Then the surface shimmered and his reflection began to morph into another: Mota. As he watched the changing apparition in horror, hands clutching the contours of his own ace in disbelief, he heard a female voice call his name. Looking back up and searching the still-crowded room, he thought he could make out a small familiar figure wending a path away from him. _

"_Elisa!" he called out, and began to push his way through the throng, fighting to reach the tiny woman, of whom all he could now make out was the back of her head with its flowing length of chestnut hair, getting further and further away away from him. "Elisa!"_

_He followed her to a doorway that stood isolate in the room, framed but otherwise unsupported by any wall. Behind it he could see the crowds still moving, bustling past, but through the portal there was clear space. Elisa had passed through and disappeared. He stood on the threshold a brief moment, looking back at the jostling crowd, like fallen leaves caught up in a whirlwind, before crossing over. _

_Immediately there was silence. Looking behind him once more, the doorway had disappeared. He now found himself in a much smaller room, absent of the previous crowd, its walls of a pale green hue, and the floor no longer smooth and mirrored, but instead carpeted in a dark moss. His feet, now bare, sank luxuriously into its plush fibers. _

_He looked around for Elisa and saw her standing in the far corner, watching him with those large dark eyes. As he moved towards her, however, his heart lightening with joy and relief, she too began to change. Her hair shortened and grew darker, her face aged, and she became his mother. She reached out to him with one hand and he took it, feeling its familiar softness and strength as she drew him into her embrace. "Scotty," she murmured, stroking his hair, "mi hijo,"and he became a child again and wept._

_But then her voice changed once more and became that of his partner. Looking up from her shoulder, he saw the hair lighten from dark to blonde, the skin become pale, and the eyes blue. These last looked at him with reproach as Lilly stepped back, away from him, and her lips parted with accusation: "You said you'd be there. You said you wouldn't leave me." He reached for her with both hands, but she slipped naked from his grasp, gliding away like a mythical creature of air or water. As she did so, a dark red line appeared on the lily-white skin of her neck, deepening and widening to become a knife wound, a gaping tear which eventually ruptured and spilled over in a crimson stream. The ruby liquid coated her chest, and she spread it further with both hands, down her legs and her arms, until her entire body was coated with it, a slender wraith dripping carnelian tears. She then moved back towards him, lithe and sinuous, and he found himself frozen with both horror and arousal as those bloody hands pulled him in, drawing his face down towards hers, her mouth a cruel smile as she whispered seductively, "Make me yours, Scotty…"_

* * *

The bedroom was dark and quiet, windows shut and curtains drawn against the dying day. Lilly's eyes were closed, but she was not yet asleep. Instead she lay, curled on her side, focused on her own breathing and enjoying the familiar warmth of the two feline bodies pressed close at her back. The fingertips of her left hand flexed gently against the pillow case, and she thought gratefully of Kat, who, along with her father and Celeste, had come in and tidied the place for her, making up her bed with fresh sheets so she could crawl right in on her return home from the hospital.

They had just left, Kat, Nick, and Will, with fond farewells and kind wishes for a good night's rest, making her promise to call should she need anything, anything at all. She had promised, thanking them for everything and telling them not to worry, she would be perfectly fine on her own.

Now, however, she was feeling conflicted. While relishing the comfort and solitude of her familiar surroundings, such a relief after her time spent in the ICU and then the recovery ward, it was this very solitude that was now making it nearly impossible to keep her thoughts from dwelling on that one subject she wished most to avoid: Scotty. The others' presence, while exhausting, had prevented her from dwelling constantly, painfully, on the possible reasons for his continued absence. The rest of the team had taken their lead from her, not mentioning him at all, though this proved difficult when the conversation came around, as it so frequently did, to work.

No one had seen him since he'd left Stillman's office the morning following their confrontation with Mota, when he'd supposedly been on his way to see her at the hospital. Instead, he'd called Stillman and asked for a leave of absence while dealing with the official inquiry, and the boss had agreed. Since then he hadn't taken calls from any of them, although they'd all heard the good news that he'd been cleared of any wrongdoing by the commission. His interviews had taken place over the last week at the 22nd District, neutral territory, and he and Pierson had successfully managed to convince the IAB of the validity of their mission, and the unforeseeable circumstances that had led to her injury and Mota's death.

Her own questioning had taken place at the hospital, and she had been surprised by its relative straightforwardness.

"_Can you please describe Detective Valens' actions when he realized that you were being held by the suspect?"_

"_How did you communicate your intentions to Detective Valens before attempting to free yourself from the suspect?"_

This last question had been somewhat difficult to respond too, but the two officials had seemed satisfied by her vague answer positing their long partnership and ability to rely on non-verbal cues. Perhaps Stillman had had some influence on the proceedings, but, whatever the case, everything was resolved as of yesterday.

Except, Scotty was still absent.

A slight noise from downstairs brought Lilly back to the present, and she half sat up. The cats had also raised their heads and were looking, alert, towards the bedroom door and the staircase beyond. Footsteps sounded on the tiles in the hallway below, and Lilly reached slowly towards her bedside dresser to locate her off-duty weapon. Gripping it firmly, she eased herself up fully into a seated position, wincing a little at the pull in her neck, and aimed the gun at the open doorway.

The footsteps continued on up the staircase and along the short corridor to her room. She took a deep breath and put her finger on the trigger, just as a dim figure appeared before her, barely distinguishable in the darkening gloom.

"_Dammit, Scotty_!" She tossed the gun down on the duvet, and threw herself back onto the pillows, eyes closed in a bewildering conglomeration of relief, anger, frustration, and pain. She heard the distinct sound of seven paws hitting the rug and scampering from the room. "What the _hell_ are you doing? Trying to get yourself killed?"

She opened her eyes again when he didn't reply, and saw him leaning against the door frame, head bowed, not looking at her but down towards his feet. He was dressed in old jeans and a ragged hoodie, a few days' stubble covering his usually smooth cheeks and chin. She pushed herself back up slowly to rest on her arms, painfully aware of the stitches in her neck.

She spoke again, this time softly. "Scotty? You okay?"

He looked up at her words and gave a choked laugh. "Am _I_ okay?"

He pulled himself away from the door and, sighing deeply, came towards her. "Here you are, confined to bed, a bloody big bandage on your neck from being knifed by a lunatic, and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

She raised herself back up fully then, and leant to switch on the bedside lamp, returning her gun to the its place in the dresser drawer. He took this opportunity to sit beside her on the bed and gingerly reached to adjust the pillows behind her back. He then picked up the small hand that rested closest to him on the bed and held it between both of his larger ones in his lap. She glared at him but didn't pull away.

"Lil, I'm sorry."

There was a brief silence while she processed this statement. Then anger.

"Sorry? For _what_, Scotty? Abandoning me in that hospital? Not calling for days on end to let me know where you were? Not calling the team either?" Her voice grew louder as she gave vent to all the pent-up emotions that had been building up deep within her. "We were all so worried about you and you just _ignore_ us! _God_, Scotty."

Her verbal diatribe gave way to violence, as she reached beside her for a cushion and thumped him across the face with it. Then again. "Get _out_, you bastard! _Go_!"

She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the cushion being gently forced from her grip. She lunged for it.

"Give it back, Scotty! Or I swear I'll…"

Two sets of eyes and fingers met over the contested object, until laughter made its unexpected yet abrupt presence known in the room with a sudden eruption of mirth. Lilly sank back onto the pillows, giggling and sobbing hysterically, while at the same time clutching one hand to her neck. Scotty collapsed on the bed beside her and buried his own uncontrolled hysteria in the muscle of her shoulder. His arm moved across her waist and he clung to her, body shaking with an equally relieved outpour of repressed feeling.

Even once the sobs and the shaking had long since subsided, they remained in that position for some time, eyes closed, each unwilling to surrender this reclaimed and precious physical closeness, unwilling to attempt once more a verbal exchange.

At last, Scotty raised his head and looked at her, eyes red and still damp from tears, dark shadows providing incontrovertible evidence of an older suffering. She couldn't resist reaching out with one hand and brushing her thumb beneath them, gathering the moisture from his cheeks and dispersing it. He remained still beneath her touch, just watching her face with a tender gaze. Then he leant up on one elbow and pressed soft kisses to her own eyes, one on each, before placing his mouth gently on hers.

"I'm sorry, Lil. For everythin'. I… I was a rat. A messed up rat." He smiled wanly in response to her more affectionate beam. "I didn't… I… I just couldn't…" He took a breath. "I came back that morning, to see you. But your dad was there, and I just… You looked so _broken_, lyin' there, Lil, and I just couldn't bear knowin' it was _me_ who'd done that to you." He reached up and touched the bandage on her neck. "I'll go, if you want me to. But... if it hadn't been for me, if I hadn't asked you to help me, you—"

Her fingers found his lips and pressed them into silence. "You didn't ask me, Scotty, _I told you_: I've got your back. Like I know you've got mine." She removed her hand and slid it down between them to find his. "So enough with the guilt, Valens." She eased herself back on the pillow and closed her eyes, suddenly incredibly tired. "And you're not going anywhere. You're my best friend, y'know, and you're stuck with me."

She felt Scotty's body move up beside hers, their hands still joined, until his head too rested on her pillow. She breathed in the smell of him: stale sweat, cigar smoke, and alcohol. Rather than finding it unpleasant, however, it was somehow comforting, as it mingled with the gentle lavender scent of her bedclothes.

"You mean that, Lil?"

She turned to face him, bringing their linked hands up to rest between their chests, and opened her eyes. They widened before darkening slightly upon finding his so close. "Of course, Scotty, you know that. We…We're us. You 'n me." She stopped, not quite sure how to vocalize her meaning, the creeping sense of exhaustion almost overwhelming her ability to think.

"'Cos, I talked to the boss, 'n…"

"I know." She squeezed his hand. "He told me. About one of us havin' to leave the team, maybe even the unit. But," she inched forwards until their foreheads and noses touched. "But…I want to give this…us…a try, if you do. Even if it means," she whispered the last word, "Traffic."

He released a relieved chuckle and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Thank God, Lil. Me too. Though let's hope things don't ever get quite _that_ bad. I guess I just panicked, 'n —"

Her lips found his. "Ssh. Let's just sleep, Scotty, okay? Talk more in the morning?"

"Sure, Lil, lemme j'st…" He sat back up and she felt immediately the loss of his embrace. She watched through heavy eyes as he stripped off his shoes, jeans, and hoodie, before crawling under the covers to join her. "Come 'ere."

Drawing her in to his chest, he stroked her hair gently and pressed light kisses to the top of her head.

And as she felt herself drifting off and down to find that much desired rest, secure in the now familiar sense of home that was Scotty's touch and smell, she heard a soft murmur close to her ear.

"You're in my heart.'

* * *

**AN: Thanks for reading! :)**


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